Celebrating life-A Conversation About Death

If there is one thing that is certain in life is that we will all die someday....

I've always hated the finality of that phrase, it's cold, not comforting, and jump starts my own fears and anxieties.

Death is probably the one topic I would avoid for the duration of my youth. I didn't face it much and when I did, it was usually an elderly person from church the neighborhood and rarely my family. The major deaths I recall, were my maternal and paternal grandparents but that experience was absent of any emotional presentation of grief.

It was not until my early teens I lost a friend to suicide. That was my first experience with death that evoked emotion at a time when my cognitive development could actually understand death. The circumstances were tragic and guilt filled, because I felt responsible that I could not save my friend. While the pain of that loss was long-lasting, it created a close bond of friends, with whom I still have close relationships with. We survived this moment in time together.

The loss of my elderly aunt and young sister-like cousin occurred years later and while the loss of my aunt was difficult, there are no adequate feelings to describe the loss of my cousin. She was the glue in our family, in the prime of her life, raising two babies, with a promising fresh start in a new city. My family and I are still in a raw state of pain.

Depending on the stage in your life, experiencing death both near and far away has the tendency of reinforcing the fears many of us have…the fear of death. Witnessing the loss of loved ones, and even those we do not know personally, such as celebrities or public figures, causes denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, and acceptance; or as I remind my clients…a rollercoaster.

If Keubler-Ross would revisit these stages, they may consider fear.

“Fear of death is truly the fear of the unknown,” according to H.P. Lovecraft.

There is a tendency to worry about or question or own mortality and the lack of control we recognize we may not have.

Fear is a unique emotion, it is necessary to have and can cause us to make better decisions because of it. A good decision I would encourage, is to be hopeful and make each day count. A great way to cope with death and its uncertainty, is to celebrate life!

If we consider that regardless of varied ways different cultures express their emotions during death, there is a common element of celebration that occurs, both for the life of the deceased and for the need to comfort and support each in a sense of community during loss.

Live each day with gratitude, it’s a gift and a means to honor those who have passed on.

Be well…mind…body…soul.

*I wrote this message a day before a loved one of mine passed away. I felt a need to share this today to help me cope with the pain and to help anyone dealing with grief to feel that they are not alone. Thank you for reading.